


Insomnia

by Viola_Laterra



Category: Girl Genius (Webcomic)
Genre: During Canon, F/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-14 23:09:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17517587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viola_Laterra/pseuds/Viola_Laterra
Summary: Gil has trouble sleeping.  He finds outlets for his despair at losing Agatha.(written 24 July 2011)





	Insomnia

The feeling still defied words. The moment when she turned to him and pulled him close and kissed him... it was all over, from that moment on. His life was about her. In his father's shadow, what else was there? His friends, he thought they'd abandoned him, but instead it was a misunderstanding, but still... it could never be like old times again. And now they were gone too. All in that one fateful night... and she had looked so beautiful, standing there, as he fumbled with words, trying to say what was so important... that he loved her, that he wanted nothing more in life but to be with her and to fight by her side and for her... to protect her, to help her find herself and see what potential she had... and all that, before he even knew she was a Heterodyne... and again and again, his mind returned to that kiss.. to the way they'd worked so well together to defeat the hive engine and its contents... the rest of life was now an impossible disappointment next to it. How could he ever find someone who he worked with that way? How could he ever achieve that rhythm and flow in anything he did again? And the feel of her in his arms, warm and vibrant, and the sensations of skin on skin, like electric shock.. the energy flowing around and between them... 

In the dark, Gil's eyes flew open. the bedclothes were completely awry, much of them on the floor, and all of him soaked in sweat, as if he were fighting the wasps again, and... and kissing her again. Turning his head to the side, he saw stars drifting by. Still on Castle Wulfenbach. He closed his eyes again. She was gone.

Curse his father. Of course, the strategist in Gil had to agree that having Agatha on the loose wouldn't do; but he bristled at the thought that his father could just send him like that, to capture her... in that sense, he was glad that she'd defied Klaus by dying. But... before he'd seen her burnt body, before he'd found the ring... he could still have some hope that she was out there, and hope that someday she'd forgive him, and he'd have the courage to go to her, and to say how he felt, plainly... somehow he could conquer his own fumbling tendencies. Somehow there would have been a way.

But... not now. What was the point, anymore? He rolled over and hugged the remaining bedclothes to himself, trying to shut out the echoing void. His father was obsessed with some new experiment, and his friends were gone. There wasn't even really anything to distract him from her.

She'd been a puzzle, a conundrum to be solved, a hunch to be verified. But in the process of discovering and watching her Spark emerge, in the process of working with her... he'd been falling for her, more and more. But the kiss... that had torn it. Now he was hers. And now that she was gone... a part of him that had been silently blossoming had now withered and died. He had no inspiration to create anything, no desire to do anything.... and what was worse, he could see all these thoughts from a different angle, from the strategist's perspective, and he could see how ridiculous it was. She was just a girl, in the end, and someday he would succeed his father and be in charge of the empire. That was certainly more important, right? But this perspective was only an echo, it was so hollow in the face of what it had been like to be with her... who cared what happened to the empire. Like his father was ever going to hand it over to him anyway; and like Gil even wanted to be in charge anyway. And he wouldn't be much of a leader anyway.

And he felt his thoughts returning to a dark spiral he had begun to know all too well. Yelling a wordless grump of frustration and pain, he got up, flinging the remaining bedclothes to the ground, angrily pulled on clothes, and stalked out of the room in the dark, not bothering with lights, looking for danger, for physical exertion, for pain, something to keep him from sobbing quietly like a child in the dark. Anger at least had some energy, some heat in it... though he didn't feel inspired to create, he could at least destroy... 

The hallways of this part of the airship were quiet at this time of night. Other parts were just as active at any time of day, but everyone did sleep at roughly the same time here in the crew quarter decks. Just as well. He really didn't want to encounter anyone. And really, no one would have wanted to encounter him either.

And he arrived at his lab. He knew Grantz had brought in some interesting monster or clank or whatever. He'd asked them to send it to his large mechanical lab, reasoning that he could figure something out about it. Walking in, he picked up his sword and grinned dangerously at the hulk looming in the darkness below him, faint lights still glowing on parts of it.

"At least you'll play with me..." he muttered, and jumped down the stairs.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written with me forgetting that at this time he's also trying to revive Punch and Judy -- that should really fit into the stewing here somewhere too.
> 
> Also, I was incredibly sleep deprived when I wrote this. So I wasn't so coherent myself. But I thought that worked here.


End file.
